I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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