I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
