I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
