I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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