I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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