if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
