I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
