I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
