Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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