Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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