I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
