Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
