I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
