ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
