He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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