Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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