I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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