just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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