The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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