I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
