I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
