His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
