Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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