I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize