does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
