Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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