woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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