so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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