My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize