i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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