the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize