why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
