The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
