Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ttyl tear gas
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
