Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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