Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
