Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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