How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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