Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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