babies were throwing up all over the place
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
