so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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