Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
