Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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