i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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