New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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