I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
3 2 1 whiskey
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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