Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
