But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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