we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she peed on how many people?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
