even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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