If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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