There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
