He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize