either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
