This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
