Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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