hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
