It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
