I just made out with a guy for $7.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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