Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize