He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
