He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
