I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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