you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
