I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just forgot I was standing up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
