I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she peed on how many people?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
