My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
