yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
