I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
