Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He? As in you personified your dick?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
