Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
