Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
