when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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