sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
